Humor?

There was a large crowd gathered about two teams playing touch football.  I joined them and asked a fellow standing next to me who was playing.  He said "The Freemasons against the Knights of Columbus."    "Oh?  What's the score?", I asked.

" I don't know, it's a secret"!  He answered..

An 89 year old Lady was back in school getting her Bachelor's degree.  She was doing so good and was so popular she was asked to speak at one of their school banquets.  As she was warming up with her introductory remarks, she dropped her 5" X 7" cards on the floor.  Embarassingly she stooped to retreive them and said..."I'm sorry I seem so jittery.  You see, I gave up beer for lent and this whiskey is killing me.."

EVERYONE  has the right to my opinion !

The man retired and after a few days of inactivity, his wife asked him "what he was going to do today".  He said "nothing!".  She said "You did that yesterday".  And he replied:  "I didn't finish".

A Blonde walked into an auto repair shop and said "I need a 710, I lost mine.  One of the mechanics looked over to another and raised their eyebrows.  "A 710, what is that", he asked.  The

Blonde said its a doo-hickey on the top of the motor and I lost mine.  "What does it look like".  "It's round and has "710" in the middle it.  Every car has one". She replied.  The Mechanic took her over to a car that had it's hood raised up and asked if this car had one.  "Yes, it's right there on top", she said.  She pointed to it.................................. {just turn the 710 upside down and read.}

Only a South Dakotan could think of this ... from the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Gettysberg South Dakota ~~ After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.  Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left.  At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."  "I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly . "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."